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A little stress here and there has its uses, especially as motivation to get things done. But if you’re living with daily, high stress levels, it can be dangerous to your well-being. Excessive stress can weaken your immune system, increase risk of heart disease, and lead to depression, anxiety, and trouble managing anger.
Here are five tips to control stress so that you remain healthy and happy for yourself and those who love you:
- Say “no” more. Sometimes you can’t obligate yourself more than you already have. Don’t see it as saying “no” to something or someone, but as saying “yes” to you.
- Find perfection in imperfection. We are perfection obsessed. We want the perfect children, careers, teeth, and thighs. Allow yourself to be happily imperfect. Know what you can control and let go of the rest.
- Know your triggers. Not everyone feels stress the same. Listen when your body says it’s overwhelmed – inability to relax, trouble sleeping, inability to focus, loss of appetite, etc. – and take time to de-stress with a soothing bath, some meditation, or a chat with a dear friend.
- Laugh. Laughter can increase endorphin levels. Endorphins are chemicals that I think of as nature’s happy juice for whatever ails you. So, watch your favorite comedy or have a backyard adventure with your kids.
- Arm yourself. Taking time to nourish your body through a healthy diet, some exercise (sex counts), and a good night’s rest is how you prepare it for battle. Being stressed is a physical drain that’s harder to overcome if you’re not keeping healthy.
These are simple strategies to get you started. If you feel that stress is taking too heavy a physical or mental toll, seek a qualified therapist who can help you develop a tailored, comprehensive plan.
A key first step to achieving anything in life is believing that you are worthy of your goal and then being able to visualize yourself accomplishing your goal. That is because the mind and the imagination are powerful things. When we are able to organize our thoughts around our desires, it’s easier to line up our actions, as well.
That is why I think visualization is an important skill to master. It is an important step in achieving your most courageous life. (And as a hint, you already do quite a bit of visualization already. You may just not call it that.)
So here’s a little exercise to get you started with visualization:
- Take ten minutes in a quiet and private space.
- Close your eyes and imagine your ideal life (or ideal career, work day, relationship, etc.). Don’t hold back, don’t sensor yourself and don’t judge what your mind comes up with. Also, don’t allow yourself to get bogged down with negative thoughts.
- Try to not only “see” what you want, but imagine what it feels like and even smells or tastes like if those senses apply.
- Now, write down how your visualization differed from your reality and ask yourself why? Are you not traveling as much, not spending enough time with your kids, not doing the work you love, or comfortable in your own skin?
- Lastly, spend some time thinking about what actions will help you close the gap between what you visualized and what is reality.
After you’ve made your list, step away from it for a day or so. Give yourself time to reflect and get clear on what you visualized and if it’s what you really want. But most importantly, don’t become obsessive about achieving your goals, just determined. Becoming obsessive can derail your efforts whereas determination is focused, strategic and unwavering. See the difference.
Visualization doesn’t have to be complicated. It is really about helping you get clear on what you want without self-criticism and doubt. That is the first courageous step in achieving your dreams.
What about you? Have you used visualization in pursuit of your own dreams before? Was it helpful?
Change can be scary, but also wonderfully liberating. Being willing and able to change can open new doors in all aspects of your life and help you achieve even the hardest of goals.
But while change can have a positive impact on our lives, it’s often hard to endure. With any change, especially major life changes, there can also be confusion, uncertainty, and discomfort. It’s not surprising so many are afraid of and actively avoid change.
If you are ready to change your life and open yourself to new possibilities, here are some steps to help you do it:
Make Up Your Mind to Change
Making up your mind to change may seem simple, but it’s a step that many often overlook. People may think that making changes in their lives, being different and living differently, would be good things, but they never make a conscious effort to do so.
When you make up your mind to change, you don’t just say you’re going to change, you visualize the change you want to experience and actively seek it. You make it tangible in your mind and you start to see the distance between where you are and where you want to be.
Actively Seek Change
Once you know where you want to go and have made up your mind to get there, you have seek out experiences that are in line with your goal. Do you want to be healthier? Then you seek out chances to be healthy. You take the stairs instead of elevator. You schedule an evening walk with your spouse or best friend. You join an outdoor group so you surround yourself with other health-minded individuals.
Just wanting to change isn’t enough. You have to make room for yourself to change, to choose a new way of being. Sometimes, you even have to schedule change into your life. For instance, if you want to be a writer, you may have to schedule a set time in your day or week when you’ll sit down, undistracted, and write.
The marvelous thing about deciding to change and then seeking out change is that the Universe starts to reward you with more and more chances to grow and that distance between the old you and new you will seem less daunting.
Allow Yourself to Change
Hey, change is not easy. If it were, we’d all be living our best lives and displaying our best selves. Change can be hard, especially if it’s for something your heart really desires.
When you allow yourself to change, you are patient and accepting of the fact that you will struggle. You prepare yourself to start and get distracted, and then start again. You prepare yourself to be unsettled and uncomfortable. And you do all of this with a kind of gentle determination. You remember to be kind to yourself, but without making excuses. You don’t beat yourself up for setbacks, but you don’t allow yourself to quit either.
I don’t believe that our futures are out of our own hands. I don’t accept that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. If you are willing to change, seek to change, and work on changing, you can be the “you” of your dreams. You owe it to the Universe to contribute to it your best self, your best work, and your best efforts. That is your debt for being a part of this wonderful, marvelous thing called Life.
Are you ready for a change and unsure of where to begin?
Here’s the truth. Your life is full of possibilities, sometimes so many of them that you’re not sure which to pursue. With careful planning and hard work, you can get out of your life rut and have the happiness you crave.
Here are some strategies to get you started:
Visualize
First, ask yourself what are the things that make you happy – both professionally and personally. You have to consider both aspects since, like it or not, an unhappy personal life will impact you professionally and vice versa.
So, take some time to envision your happiest self and create a list based on that vision. It may include things like:
- Spending more time with family;
- Flexible work hours;
- Lots of travel;
- A six-figure salary;
- Live in France.
Set Priorities
Once you have this list, it becomes easier for you to establish a set of priorities around them.
If you want to spend more time with family, a goal may be to have more flexible work hours. If you want to travel more often, then you may decide that finding a job involving travel is important; or you may want to negotiate more vacation time. If you want more income, you may need to negotiate a raise or find a side hustle.
Do Stuff
Next, based on your priorities, you need to do something. Action is key not only to set your dreams in motion, but to keep you motivated and engaged in your life.
So, take action on your priorities: update and send out your resume for a job with lots of travel, or start studying French, or draft a proposal for you supervisor that would let you work from home one day a week.
Re-Evaluate Often
Lastly, it is your right and in your best interest to constantly re-evaluate how you feel about your goals. You may honestly feel that a particular goal will make you happy only to find out that it doesn’t quite meet your expectations. There’s nothing wrong with that. Trial and error is what life about and the most courageous of us are okay with admitting that we need to go back to the drawing board.
I recently read about a plus-sized model who, after years of success, had decided to lose weight. Her name is Crystal Renn and you should have no trouble finding plenty about her during an Internet search.
When Crystal first began modeling, she was told she was too heavy. This ushered in years of struggling with her weight and a battle with anorexia nervosa. At her thinnest, the 5’9” Crystal weighed only 95 lbs.
Stories like this are common within the fashion industry; and things could easily have ended tragically for Crystal. But she realized she was on a deadly path and sought help. She gained 70lbs, which most of us would think wonderful, but in the world of fashion, Crystal was now too big.
That’s when she did something courageous. Rather than starve herself thin again, Crystal forged a path for herself as a plus-sized model. And not just any plus-sized model, Crystal became successful and well sought after. She became one of fashions most famous plus-sized models.
Well, now there’s controversy around Crystal because in the last year, she’s incorporated more physical fitness – hiking and yoga – into her lifestyle and she’s lost weight. She’s not dangerously thin as before, but she’s too small to be considered plus-sized.
Some critics feel that Crystal, who had become a role model for many women, has now let them down. Crystal says she made a conscious choice to be healthier and that she’s very happy, healthy, and comfortable at her new weight. I’m in no position to argue that point; only she truly knows her reasoning behind the change and methods used to achieve it.
Instead, I share her story to say this:
Being courageous sometimes means that you will disappoint people.
Sometimes you will have to make tough decisions that others don’t support. Sometimes you will walk a path that others don’t agree with. But to be true to yourself – to do what is right and feels right for you – is the ultimate form of courage. And there may be times during your courageous life journey when you will re-evaluate your direction or change course (perhaps several times) before getting to you destination.
That is your right. YOUR LIFE IS A JOURNEY. It’s a journey that others may or may not support you on, but we each must forge our own path and go things at our own pace.
So be strong, dare to be courageous, and when you find what or who makes you happy, hold to that knowledge and do not be swayed.
Did you know that you are what nourishes you? The foods you eat and the things you drink can be seen in your eyes, your skin, your hair, and even the way you pursue your work and passions.
Are you able to go about your day with energy and excitement? Or, are you always sluggish and struggling? Your food choices probably have a great deal to do with that. So, when you make healthier food choices, you’re not only providing better nourishment to your body, but your mind, your spirit, your career, and your relationships.
I understand that life gets hectic, especially for busy moms and working women on the go. When times are busiest, you cut corners. You skip a meal here and there. You opt for a quickie meal from a fast-food drive through over something prepared fresh. You rely on high-sugar drinks to keep you awake and moving. But you are what nourishes you; and fast food, sodas, and high-fat microwaveable meals will eat away at the energy you need to live the courageous life of your dreams.
That’s why, to help you have a more courageous year, I’m going to challenge you to really focus on making healthier nutritional choices, to drink more water and move your body more. It doesn’t have to be hard or super complicated. For instance, did you know that when you’re feeling sluggish, a brisk walk around your office building will wake you up just as well as a shot of caffeine? And it’ll burn some calories and could give you a creativity boost.
If you aren’t sure how to adopt a healthier diet, simplify things by adding more color to your plate when you eat. Colorful fruits and vegetables are packed with the vitamins and nutrients your body needs to operate at its best while also preventing a number of diseases.
Red foods, like tomatoes, watermelons and cherries are super cancer fighters. Blue and purple foods (think blueberries, eggplants, and grapes) have antioxidants that can reduce some cancer risk, improve memory, and even help with aging.
Green foods such as broccoli, asparagus, and cabbage are great for building stronger bones and they’re also cancer fighters. Yellow and orange foods (carrots, squash and oranges) are packed with Vitamin C and carotene for your immune system, your heart and your eyes.
Can you imagine a plate filled with all those wonderful colors?
Take this week to be deliberate and make at least one healthy food choice at every meal and then follow that up with a big glass of pure, filtered water. Your body, your energy level, your mind, they’ll all thank you for it. And if you do fix up a plate of something healthy and colorful, leave a picture over on my Facebook page or even share a recipe.
There comes a time in all of our lives when a shift needs to happen. Things need and must change. I know this from personal experience because I too have had my own personal struggles along my journey.
I went from sleeping night after night on the couch in a crack house to owning my own successful business literally helping women all over the world breakthrough fear and learn to turn their pain into purpose, passion, power and yes even profits. But here’s the catch, when I was in the hard process of discovery and wanting something more I needed help but couldn’t really fine what I was looking for all in one place.
I read all types of book and went to all kinds of seminars and I collected a lot of information but was never really able to process it all and put it into any succinct manner. This was the most frustrating part about my journey. I think you know where I’m coming from.
So I told myself that one day I was going to build a women’s conference where women from all over the globe could come and get all the information they needed to break free from the things they were struggling with. All this information was going to be located under one roof at one conference and, on June 2nd, I am happy to present to you the Get Courageous Women’s Conference.
I have planned this conference very meticulously. It HAD to help you in the six main areas that I know as a mentor, women struggle the most in. These areas are your emotional, physical, relationships, careers, finances and spiritual life.
When I was out there searching I was looking to break free in all of these areas and now nothing makes me more excited then to bring it to you under one roof. So if you really want to break free from the fear that grips you, if you are tired of spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere then the doors the Get Courageous Conference are open to you. If you can relate to anything I have said then this is the right conference for you but I ask are you the right person for the conference?
To help you answer this question, I prepared a top ten list of reasons why YOU should join me and my dynamic speakers at this conference: If you agree with one or more of these reasons then all you need to do is register because You are the right person for this conference and it will change your life.
10. You’re ready to break through emotional barriers and live the life you want.
9. Our AMAZING line-up of speakers.
8. Get a healthy dose of sisterhood, inspiration, and support.
7. Get advice on your finances, relationships, career, health, and emotional and spiritual lives.
6. You care for everyone else. Now do something awesome for yourself.
5. Access to dozens of exhibitors devoted to women’s success.
4. You’re tired of being stuck in a life rut.
3. Networking with hundreds of like-minded women.
2. You’re ready to get your courage on.
1. ME!!! I’m your conference host, the Success Mentor to Women and I’m ready to help you change your life!
So there you have it. No hype, no pretty song and dance, just pure facts. Ask yourself if you are ready to make that change, if you are ready to go after the life you deserve. If the answer is yes then I know I will see you at the conference.
If you haven’t been to the conference website yet, please head over and see what we’ve got in the works and get yourself registered.
All that’s left to say is ………………Get Courageous!
If you’re like me, you have a to-do list that is out of control. You have so many personal and professional obligations that it can be hard to think about planning ahead.
That’s no way to get things done or maintain your health. So, because courage is my theme for this year (and all years), I thought I’d share some strategies I use to be more productive and free up my time for the things and people I love.
If you try any of these, be sure to let me know how they’re working out for you.
#1: Have a List, Keep it Short
Having a to-do list can be a good thing or a bad one. It’s good to have a way of tracking what needs doing and when it needs doing by. But when you put everything under the sun on that list, it becomes so overwhelming that you’re likely to avoid paying attention to it.
Try limiting your daily or weekly list to 2 or 3 key things that really need doing. If something isn’t a priority for that day or week, put it on a longer list of goals for the month or year (and then pull your immediate to-dos from that list as needed).
It’s unrealistic to try doing too much. You’ll only frustrate yourself by not allowing room for the unexpected or giving yourself room to breathe.
#2: Master Your Email and Social Media
Email, conference calls, and social media are probably the biggest time eaters for most of us, especially if they are essential to how we earn a living. But you’ll never be productive if you’re constantly checking or reacting to these things. That’s not how work gets done.
For social media, I recommend having set times each day when you’ll take time for it and also setting a limit for how long you’ll spend (more than 20 minutes at a time is really too much). With conference calls, set a time for how long they will last and have a set agenda that all parties have received a copy of.
When it comes to email, try to check it no more than two to three times per day (perhaps morning, lunch time, and night) and keeping with this schedule for both your personal and professional accounts. In between time, close out your email and definitely turn off any alerts that go off when you get a new message. That’s akin to trying to sleep and having an alarm clock that’s constantly going off.
When you respond to an email, try doing so in 5 or 6 sentences. That will force you to be concise and eliminate unnecessary sentence fillers. The person receiving your email will also appreciate it.
Lastly, if you get a lot of repeat questions or emails (for instance, if you run your own business and get a lot of inquiries about a particular service), have a set response or Frequently Asked Questions sheet that you can easily and quickly forward to someone.
#3: Control Access to You
When you’re at your busiest is precisely when your dog will want to play or your phone will ring off the hook. It will be important for you to figure out what are your most productive times of day and protect those times from distraction. That may mean talking with your kids or your spouse about not interrupting you during that time or working when your kids are asleep or at a play date.
There can be a lot of guilt over shutting your door and working when your family is also home. You may feel that you should be out, spending time with them. Remind yourself that a few hours of uninterrupted work means that you’ll be able to step away and be with your family without worrying about all the work you still need to do. It will also help if you let your family know how much time you need and then stick to that…i.e., if you tell them two undisturbed hours, then step away when that time is up and then give your family the same attention.
#4: Do What You Dread
I love what I do, but sometimes the business aspect of being self-employed isn’t a lot of fun. Tracking business expenses, filing receipts, drafting contracts, website updates, etc., is all necessary, but not joy inducing.
So, try starting your work day with a task you don’t really like doing, but will feel better about once you’ve gotten it out of the way. Maybe you check email and then spend 10 minutes filing receipts before going on to what you love doing, say writing or working on a graphic design project. It’s a similar premise to starting your day with working out (especially if it’s something you hate) so that you know it’s done and can go on with your day.
#5: Take a Break
To be productive, you have to take regular breaks from working. Don’t see these as distractions from work, but enhancements to your productivity.
Best of all, you can use even short 15 minute breaks to take the dog for a walk or have a snack with your kids. Whatever it is, I do recommend that it differ from what you’ve been working on. Meaning, if you’ve been staring at the computer for 2 hours, don’t use your break to stare at it some more while you check Twitter.
Get up, move around and let your brain focus on something else.
These are the five ways I use to get stuff done. I know you will find them useful, now all you have to do is put them to work for yourself.
It’s already mid-March! Does it seem to anyone else that time is flying by faster than usual?
For those of you who make New Year’s resolutions and start every year with a list of big goals, how are you doing on them?
I mentioned before that I don’t really make resolutions, but I do always take time each year to assess where I’ve been and where I want to go. And so far this year, I’m keeping up a nice pace. I held a kick-off event for my 2012 Get Courage Women’s Conference, the planning for which is going great.
I also launched a new resource, a courage journal called Seven Days and Seven Ways to Live More Courageously (join my mailing list to get your free copy). And I’m starting work on a new book.
But if you haven’t progressed as much on your own goals as you’d like, don’t beat yourself up. The beauty of life is that every new day you’re given is a chance to begin again.
The challenge is in knowing when to charge ahead and when to pause and take stock. Do you still really want what you thought you did? If so, is there a problem with how you’ve been going about getting it? Do you have a clear vision for your end game while also leaving room for the unexpected Universal curve ball?
Don’t keep doing what you’ve been doing if it’s not getting you where you want to go. You can change directions without changing your end game.
Or, if you’ve been keeping up such a pace that you don’t remember how you got to this point, slow down. Your journey towards the life and goals you’re envisioning is just that…a journey. Don’t get so focused on the end point that you forget to appreciate each day of the journey. Appreciate the bumps and twists and turns and always be willing to stop and look at a map if you need to. Leave room to stop and play with those who matter most in your life or invite new people along on your journey.
When time seems to be passing us by, we can forget to slow down long enough to enjoy the passing scenery. Stay focused on your goals, be dedicated, be determined, but also remember to pause and pause often. One day when you get to that special place you’ve been dreaming of, other people will be counting on you to tell them how you got there.
I spend a lot of time helping women make positive personal and professional changes so they can achieve the lives they want. But I also like to stress that you, as a woman, are also perfect just as you are.
So what gives? Am I contradicting myself? Am I saying?: “You’re perfect. Now change.”
Absolutely not.
We are all works in progress. We all have room for improvement and things that we can do to be better people and better stewards of the gifts that life has given us. But we are also good enough exactly as we are.
Exactly as we are RIGHT NOW, we are worthy of all the love and happiness we can endure.
What I mean to say is that when we change things about ourselves, we do so to BE better, not to DESERVE better. We are born deserving, whether it be love, kindness, forgiveness, or respect. That’s an important distinction that people sometimes forget to make.
People will put off their own happiness until they are thinner or wealthier. Why?
You deserve happiness NOW, not later. You deserve love NOW, not twenty fewer pounds from now.
Remember these things when you are doing your own, personal self-assessment and deciding where you might want to make changes in your life or yourself. Imagine your life as a party that you are invited to attend exactly as you are. Be present in it. Make the most of it. Sculpt it until YOU have decided it’s a work of art. But always live it now, not later.
Because you are perfect as you are; and you don’t have to change anything unless you want to.
