I don’t really bother with New Year’s resolutions, but this being the Year of Courage, I do have plenty of goals set for 2012. That got me to thinking about the difference between people who like to set goals and those who like to accomplish them. It’s easy to talk about what you’d like to do, but to actually act on those plans is challenging.
So, I thought I’d share some strategies that have helped me be a doer and not just a planner in the past:
Be specific
Being specific includes getting clear about your goals. For instance, instead of just saying that you’re going to “get healthy” or “lose weight”, define clearly what “healthy” means for you. Do you want to eat more vegetables, lose 15 pounds, or cut out sodas and sweetened beverages?
It’s hard to move in the direction of a goal if you don’t know which direction to head in. So, take some time to visualize exactly what you want to accomplish and why.
Be realistic
Next up, be realistic about the goals you’re setting. I’m all for dreaming big, but we also have to be honest with ourselves about what we set out to accomplish. What I mean by that is: if your goal is to make a living as a singer, setting out to have a recording contract by year’s end may not be realistic if you’ve never sung before. Perhaps you’d have to start with getting some free singing gigs and taking a few lessons, first.
Only you know what you’re capable of and where your talents lie. Take honest stock of your strengths and weaknesses and then factor that into your goal setting. Make a plan for how you will accentuate your strengths and then better your weaknesses.
Set a deadline
Procrastination is the work of the devil. We put things off so often that they’re quickly figments of our imaginations. Don’t let this happen to you.
Again, using weight loss as an example, once you know how much you want to lose, decide when you want to lose it by. And be realistic about your deadline. Trust me, losing 30 pounds in 2 weeks is hardly safe or healthy.
A deadline creates a sense of urgency for you to get moving on your goal and allows you to plan for what you must do, when, how often, etc.
Do one thing now
So you’ve got a realistic goal and deadline. Now what?
Now you get busy doing. Not in a week or a few days. Not even tomorrow. Right now. Ask yourself what is something you can do RIGHT NOW on behalf of your goals.
It could be getting rid of all the junk food in your house, going for a walk around the neighborhood with your kids, or buying running shoes.
For our would-be singer, it could be scouting the internet for local voice coaches or arranging to sing at a family reunion. Anything that gets you doing now instead of later is good. You need to keep your goals at the forefront of your mind.
Make yourself accountable
I’ve said before that dreams should be protected, and that is true. But they should also be shared with a trusted few who want to see you succeed.
Setting a deadline is part of making yourself accountable for acting on your goals. So is telling your plans (deadline and all) to someone who will hold you accountable. Perhaps telling a friend about your weight loss goals so she can gently remind you to choose fat-free over full-fat or water with lemon over soda.
Also consider finding a group of like-minded people who are also working towards their dreams. Search sites like Meet-up for other people who love to sing or people who are beginning runners. And if there isn’t a group like that in your community, start one.
Don’t Give Up
Don’t just let your dreams fester in your mind until they disappear. Put them out into the universe, nourish them through your actions, and make them a reality. I know you can achieve them, if only you’re willing to work hard and occasionally be a bit uncomfortable for what you want. And as you start accomplishing great things (or continue doing so), let me know about them.
Hi folks! There’s so much going on here at Team Kiki and I can’t wait to share details with you in the coming weeks. Remember, this is the Year of Courage; and I’m taking that to heart – for you and me.
In my last post, I asked if you’d assembled your tribe – you know, those friends, staff, mentors, inspirations, etc., who will help you get to your own personal mountaintop of dreams. In this post, I want to quickly remind you of the importance of YOU being on your team, as well.
What I mean by this is that oftentimes, we are our own worst enemies. We talk ourselves out of blessings and opportunities before they’ve had a chance to materialize. We go into an endeavor expecting to fail, instead of expecting success, much less bountiful success that is beyond our imagination.
I have done this to myself and it is no way to live, no way to run your personal or professional lives. There are enough external factors in life that are waiting to test you, don’t add to your anxieties. Don’t help the devil and his minions do their work.
When you hear that inner critic starting in, I have some things I want you to try:
- Stop, take a breath, and ask yourself if you’d ever allow someone to speak to your child (or spouse, friend, sibling, etc.) in the way that you’re speaking to yourself at that moment. I’m going to trust that you wouldn’t.
- Remind yourself that you are a remarkably-made, INDIVIDUAL (as in not meant to be like everyone else) with much to offer the world.
- If you try something and don’t succeed, don’t see it as a failure. See it as a learning lesson for your next attempt and a universal promise of something bigger and better that is being prepared for you.
- Do something to make yourself feel good that doesn’t involve gorging on junk food, drinking, or spending money you don’t have. Instead, put on your favorite tune and dance around like you’re a carefree 5-year old again. Or run a hot bath with bubbles and soak yourself until your skin prunes. Just do something kind and loving.
You know, we want to be perceived as good people. We want to show love and caring and support to our fellow human beings; but how can we when we aren’t even loving and caring and supportive to ourselves?
Again, that doesn’t mean that we become self-absorbed or oblivious to other people’s needs. It just means we realize that loving others starts with loving ourselves. When we do this, when we remove judgment and criticism of ourselves from our daily routines, it becomes unnatural to be judgmental and critical of others.
We are social beings. Even the shyest people still need a certain level of human interaction; it is a part of our natures.
So, it makes sense that when we’re working on our dreams and life goals we’ll need to rely – sometimes heavily – on other people. We’ll need people for emotional support, understanding, and inspiration; we’ll need them for guidance, knowledge, tools, and resources.
If you haven’t begun building your circle of support or tribe of warriors (call them what you will), I encourage you to do so now. You will need trusted advisors and behind-the-scenes folks who want to see you succeed. The most successful people know that their success comes from who they surround themselves with.
But I also caution you against allowing people who don’t have your best interests at heart to invade your core. This is sometimes hard since, as we all know, sometimes it’s the people we love the most who can sabotage us the fastest. You will have to find a way to continue loving those people without allowing them to stop your momentum.
That may mean that if your dream is to be a writer, you don’t tell your doubting friends what you’re writing about until it’s completed and in the hands of an agent or publisher. Or, if you’re on a mission to be healthier and loved ones aren’t on board, you may have to create a bit of distance and find another circle of support.
Then there are those who will stomp on your dreams for no other reason than that they can. These are unhappy people who want you to be unhappy with them. Or, they’re happy only when you’re unhappy. Either way, you must steel yourself against these folks and never let them steal your joy.
If this is truly going to be your Year of Courage, then you should think of your dreams, goals, and missions like they are your children. They are all essential to who you are and must be protected…AT ALL COSTS. After all, if you won’t fight for you, who will?
So tell me, who is in your tribe or circle of support? And have you ever had to walk away from someone who was sabotaging your dreams? If so, how did you do it?
In my previous post, I claimed this as the year of courage – for me and for you. Well, I’m sure some of you may have thought, “Yeah, sure Kiki. Saying it’s the year of courage is easy. Making it the year of courage is the difficult part.”
And you’re right; it takes work to be courageous, to take chances and see your dreams become goals and then reality. But that work begins, like many life changes, in our own minds.
The change begins with knowing your end game and taking steps to set it in motion.
I have always felt that I was to be a motivational speaker and counselor of women. When I get up to speak before groups of women, a power beyond me takes control. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to work at being a good speaker (because I do), but it does mean that when I’m up there, sharing my message and trying to help motivate others, it feels effortless. It feels right.
Over the years, I’ve had to work hard to make my dream into a reality, but I’ve never given up, because I can see my end game.
I believe many of us have already been shown our life’s purpose, or we’ve felt it on a level that cannot be ignored. We’ve all been told what great writers we are or what compassionate care givers. People have marveled at our organizational skills, our passion for working with the elderly, or how we can make the most complicated topics easy to learn. Somewhere along in our lives, I believe the Universe (or however you refer to your Higher Power) has shown us our end game.
And I believe that is the first step for each of us to be fruitful in this year of courage.
When we can clearly see a vision for our futures, we must cleave fast and tight, trusting that it will be a reality; and then start down a path to make it happen. Don’t get bogged down when problems arise; don’t waste time with placing blame. Those are just tricks to test you. To see how badly you want to get to that dream of yours. Instead, focus on solutions and keep moving forward. If an obstacle gets in your way, find a path around it.
Because here’s the truth, it doesn’t matter which path you take, as long as you trust that your end game will come to be and keep making strides towards it. You’ll find that the path will begin to shift, new forks will develop, guides and mentors will appear, all designed to get you to that point…that point where you need to be.
So, tell me: what is your end game?
What is the vision that you will cleave to this year and courageously take steps to set into motion? And if you don’t know, yet; that’s okay, too. Sometimes we have to know where we aren’t supposed to be, to discover where we are supposed to be.
Welcome to the Year of Courage!
Let me start this post by telling you that this is the year of living courageously. The year of new beginnings, clarity, taking chances, realized potential, and self-sufficiency. I am claiming this for myself and you, my readers.
The ushering in of a new year always reminds me of being a kid at the beginning of a new school year. Do you remember those days? The excitement of new classes, teachers, books, and maybe new clothes. In our young minds, it was a chance at reinvention.
Well I’m encouraging each of you to reinvent yourselves this year. That doesn’t mean you need to drastically quit your jobs and start careers as belly dancers or dye your hair and start wearing all new clothes. Unless, of course, those things would make you happy.
I want to encourage you to reinvent yourselves as courageous, fear conquering goddesses – women on a mission to live self-determined lives. And I’m encouraging you to do this not just for a month, but every day of the year. Because the truth of the matter is: every day is a chance to start again. Every day we’re given is the Universe telling us to “go for it”.
That’s why I’m glad to announce the Take Charge of Your Life Challenge, a national call to action that helps women make courageous strides in six key areas of their lives: emotional, physical, spiritual, relationships, careers, and finances. It will launch later this month with a wonderful new website that I can’t wait to share.
Those of you who accept the Challenge will receive a weekly email with ideas and strategies for making new strides in that particular month’s key area. You’ll also have on-going access to a wealth of free articles and resources from talented health, wellness, and business professionals and a chance to share your progress with other participants.
But let me prepare you right now. I want big things for you this year and that means that I’ll be “challenging” you to step outside your comfort zones, take big and small steps, and really look some of your fears in the face. And that’s okay. You don’t become courageous by never experiencing fear. Courage comes after you’ve done what you fear and realize that, even if you got a little bruised, you’re still standing.
So, if a year of living courageously sounds like a good thing to you, take a deep breath, join hands, and let’s go for it. I’m already taking my first courageous step just through launching the Challenge. And I want nothing more than to help you set your own dreams in motion, too.
More information on the Challenge is coming very soon, so stay tuned!
Get Courageous!
All this week I have been rushing around doing everything from A to Z. Personal things and business related things and now that I have stopped to write this post I’m wondering where has the time gone? The truth is I still have so many things to do, my list is a mile long but that’s not just for this week. Do you realize we only have 3 months left in this year? OMG! Where did the time go? Does anyone else think that this year just flew by?
I know I’m not alone, but whether you think this year went by fast or slow the truth remains you only have three months to accomplish those goals you set out to accomplish at the beginning of this year. Lately I have heard a lot of women say “ I lost track of my goals because life got in the way”. I truly understand this because sometimes unexpected things do happen that are out of our control. Maybe you had a death in the family, or you lost your job. When things like this happen it can be devastating and sometimes you have to take a step back and reevaluate your goals.
Yes it’s time to evaluate. I believe not enough women do evaluations because we fear the results. God forbid you do an evaluation and realize that you are so off track with your goals that you may have to change them all together. But it’s ok. I believe we should reevaluate our goals at least once a year. So if you set some goals at the beginning of the year you should re-evaluate at around June or July to see if you are still on track with your goals and if not it’s ok to make some adjustments.
So if you still have some big or small goals that you want to reach by December 31st then it’s time to start today. First you must break your goal down into smaller pieces. I know you have heard this so many times before, but it’s the best way to accomplish a goal. If your goals are no longer valid or needs some tweaking then don’t be afraid to do so. The best goal setters have had to change their plans at some point in their life. Things don’t always go as planned. If you do an evaluation and your goals remain the same then you owe it to yourself to try your hardest to accomplish those goals.
So here’s to reaching all your goals by the end of this year. It’s not impossible it just takes dedication, evaluation, and a little hard work.
All this week I’ve been watching a lot of reports as we head towards the 10th Anniversary of 911. Wow it’s hard to believe that it’s been 10 years since this tragedy happened in our country and yet I am reminded of what I was doing on that fateful day.
I was a freshman in college and I had just gotten out of class and walked into the Black Student Union to find everyone mesmerized by the TV. I asked another student what was going on and she said “you haven’t heard, two planes just flew into the world trade center. It’s an attack on the US”. I said “what” and immediately started watching the TV to get caught up on all the happenings. It was horrible! The sight of the devastation made me cry. I didn’t know anyone living in New York City at the time but my heart sank for the people experiencing this horrible situation. For the rest of the day everyone in the college stayed glued to the television watching the tragic events unfold.
Do you remember what you were doing when 911 happened? I’m sure you do because this is the kind of event that stays etched in your mind, something you’ll never forget.
So how do you even begin to deal with something this tragic? Unfortunately, devastating things happen in our lives every day, and although none may be as tragic as 911, they can still be considered pretty bad. So the first thing you must do when something devastating happens in your life is to take the right amount of time to grieve. Grieving is so important. It gives you the opportunity to release and be vulnerable. No one can tell you how much time you should grieve. This is something you decide. We live in a world where everything has to happen so quickly, but if you don’t take the appropriate time to grieve your loss then you could be causing yourself more harm in the long run. Only after you have grieved properly, can you begin to put the pieces of your life back together.
So this message goes out to all you wonderful women who have lost someone or something you love. This could be a loved one, a job or something that was so dear to you. Take time, grieve, allow the feelings of your emotions to come out. Trust me you will feel so much better and this is where the healing begins.
My blessings and prayers go out to all of the fallen and families affected by 911!
I just recently took a week-long vacation with my family to Myrtle Beach, SC and it was amazing. The truth is with my son being older and basketball being a big part of our family we could never find the time to fit in a week-long vacation without it interfering with his basketball schedule or something else the family had planned. But this year I decided to put my foot down. I told everyone I don’t care what’s going on during the week we planned to leave, we were going on vacation and that is final, it’s time to take some time off! Of course I said this in my best intimidating mommy and serious wifey voice 
.
I knew I was overdue for a vacation and I really needed a break. Have you ever felt like you needed a break but ignored the feeling because you have so much to do or you couldn’t afford it? Well I’m here to tell you girlfriend that sometimes you cause more harm and damage to yourself and your goals if you don’t take time off.
I’m a big believer in work hard, play hard. I think the key to being successful in life is to have some sort of balance. I’m not saying everything is going to balance out equally, but you can give everything its proper amount of time, including taking time off.
When you take time off it allows you to catch up on some much needed rest, relaxation and rejuvenation so you can be ready to get back to your goals. Besides, spending time with your family is also important and taking time off from your hectic schedule can do wonders for the relationships in your life. I had a blast hanging out with my son, husband and family at the beach and pool. The funny thing is I was able to let it all go. I didn’t have to do my hair or anything while away. Funny story-my son said to me when we got back, how did your hair get back to normal so fast lol? I never once used the curing iron while away and I guess he’s just not use to seeing his mommy let it all flow. I love it!
So what I’m saying Ladies is do yourself a favor and take some time off. It doesn’t have to be a whole week. It can be a couple of days or even a day. The point is to rest and rejuvenate. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money either. There are so many options out there that won’t cost you an arm and a leg, just be creative.
And just so you won’t freak out, taking a break doesn’t necessarily mean cutting yourself off from the whole world. I think so many busy women think they can’t take a vacation because there is no way they could cut themselves off from what’s going on in their lives. The key is to set some boundaries. I checked my email, did a little social media chatting and marketing but it was nowhere near what I would have done if I were at home. So it is possible to stay abreast to what’s happening in your world without feeling like you are out of the loop.
So ladies stop what you are doing and take some time off. We are nearing the end of summer and if your house is anything like mine it should get back to normal when school starts, but first make sure you take a quick break before you get back into a routine. Let me know how it goes!
Me and Tory Johnson at S&H Atlanta
Over the past couple of weeks my head has been spinning. From attending Tory Johnson’s Spark and Hustle Conference, to implementing all that I’ve learned, to coaching wonderful women, my life has been busy, busy, busy. I’m sure you can relate, but there is a method to my madness. You see I have not just been busy for the sake of being busy. I’ve been busy taking the necessary actions to take my life to a whole new level and I invite you to come along. But in order to take your life to a whole new level you have to know that you must put in the necessary work.
As a coach I talk to women all the time about changing their lives and getting out of bad situations but sometimes they lack the motivation and dedication to take action.I know what it’s like when you don’t feel like doing anything. I know what it feels like not to want to get out of bed in the morning because you already know your day is going to be hectic. But I’m here to tell you what it takes to take your life to a whole new level. Are you ready….You Must Take It One Step At A Time.
Wow! Now that’s some powerful stuff! I know, I know, you are saying Kiki that’s nothing new. I never claimed that this was new information; this is just the best information out there to help you put things into perspective. So many women never get started and get overwhelmed because they don’t know where to start or they feel there is just too much to do. Whoaaaa slow down girl. Get a grip! Sit down and map out a plan. Break bigger goals into smaller goals and just take action every day. Now that’s the best advice a girl can give you. So take it from me, if you do these simple steps I see success knocking at your door and your life going to a whole new level. So there you have and in the words of Tory Johnson- Game ON!
Today I just wanted to send out a little bit of inspiration for your day. There is a lot of talk about being unhappy and I ran across this quote that said it best. “Happiness is not an accident. Nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design”. Jim Rohn.
So today go out and design your happiness!
